Sigh..
People are always asking how is my dad doing and not how I am doing..
To that question, i am exhausted. Exhausted from thinking too much about the future, exhausted from seeing him in this state, exhausted from continuously telling why he cannot have a cigarette, exhausted from always having to remind him to wipe his dripping saliva etc etc.
I tell myself sometimes that i should not be by his side at the hospital 12 hours a day. But it's hard to not be there. Why just yesterday, i came in the morning and found him lying on the floor!! The nurses apparently left him sitting in the chair after his bath and as leaned out to see who was coming (he thought he heard his wife), he fell off the chair. Unfortunately, the tv's volumn drowned his calls for the nurse. Other reasons why i try to be there as often as i can is to basically assist him with things he does not want to bother the nurses with.. adjust his lying position, ease himself, clean his dentures etc etc.. if my presence there contributes to him keeping a high morale, then so be it. Of course, i try to take a few hours off everyday to meet friends for lunch and dinner, or even go climbing at the bouldering gym. I think i'd lose my sanity if i didn't..
Anyway, we brought him home today for a few hours. The doctor gave him 'home leave' (10am - 8pm). He was visibly please but he kept bugging me for a freakin cigarette! He even went so far as to ask his wife to go buy lunch AND cigarettes for him! Thank goodness she had the good sense to inform me about it. So since that didn't work, he resorted to asking her to look in the trash for leftover cigarettes! The crazy old man..
Groan... why can't people ask me how i am doing..?
To that question, i am exhausted. Exhausted from thinking too much about the future, exhausted from seeing him in this state, exhausted from continuously telling why he cannot have a cigarette, exhausted from always having to remind him to wipe his dripping saliva etc etc.
I tell myself sometimes that i should not be by his side at the hospital 12 hours a day. But it's hard to not be there. Why just yesterday, i came in the morning and found him lying on the floor!! The nurses apparently left him sitting in the chair after his bath and as leaned out to see who was coming (he thought he heard his wife), he fell off the chair. Unfortunately, the tv's volumn drowned his calls for the nurse. Other reasons why i try to be there as often as i can is to basically assist him with things he does not want to bother the nurses with.. adjust his lying position, ease himself, clean his dentures etc etc.. if my presence there contributes to him keeping a high morale, then so be it. Of course, i try to take a few hours off everyday to meet friends for lunch and dinner, or even go climbing at the bouldering gym. I think i'd lose my sanity if i didn't..
Anyway, we brought him home today for a few hours. The doctor gave him 'home leave' (10am - 8pm). He was visibly please but he kept bugging me for a freakin cigarette! He even went so far as to ask his wife to go buy lunch AND cigarettes for him! Thank goodness she had the good sense to inform me about it. So since that didn't work, he resorted to asking her to look in the trash for leftover cigarettes! The crazy old man..
Groan... why can't people ask me how i am doing..?
posted by norman.. at 5:18 PM
2 Comments:
i was going to ask: how r u doing?
(serious! otherwise y did i bother coming into tis site to learn bout u n ur dad?)
hey xiaoyu,
as usual, i'm exhausted. can't wait for my brother to come back from hawaii.
thanks for asking. as long as i can have an ice cold tiger every night, i'll be fine. hey! i'll even let you buy me one one of these days okay?!
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